I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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