Can i not drive my cunt home
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
