yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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