I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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