If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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