Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
