I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
