anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
