I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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