why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Randomize
