getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
she told me i tasted like america
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
