The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Randomize
