I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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