I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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