Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
