New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
