im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
