It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
