and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
