i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
