you're like a bully in the Christmas story
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
