I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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