I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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