GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
