whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
