did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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