you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
two words: eviction party
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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