Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
