is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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