After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
