Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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