time to smoke my breakfast
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
