Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
