Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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