His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
