i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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