i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
