'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
