this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
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