He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I need a beard to bite.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
