Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
