I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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