smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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