Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm like, not good at living.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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