All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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