I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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