Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
