Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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