Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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