I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
